Vayaishev

"AND SHE [TAMAR] SAID, "RECOGNIZE WHO IS THE THE OWNER OF THIS SEAL, THIS WRAP, AND THIS STAFF.." AND YEHUDAH RECOGNIZED THEM AND SAID,"SHE IS MORE RIGHTEOUS THAN I.."..(Bereishis 38:25, 26)"

The Psukim relate that Yehuda wished to be intimate with a certain woman¹, not knowing that she was in reality his daughter-in-law, Tamar. For her compensation, Yehudah was to send her a goat from his flock. To ensure that he would indeed send her the goat, he left his seal, wrap, and staff with her as security. He was intimate with her, and she became pregnant.

After about three months, Yehudah was informed that his daughter-in-law, Tamar, had become pregnant. [The halacha is that a daughter of a Kohen that engaged in forbidden relations is to be punished with burning. Tamar was the daughter of Shem, a Kohen. cf Rashi.] "Take her out and have her burned," said Yehuda.

When she was taken out to be burned, she sent a message to her father-in-law, Yehuda. "I am pregnant by the man who is the owner of these articles. If you would recognize who is the owner of this seal, this wrap, and this staff..." Yehuda immediately recognized them and said, "tzadkah mimeni - She is more righteous than I.." Rashi interprets, "mimeni- from me she is pregnant." Thus Yehuda here confesses that it is from him that she became pregnant.

Rashi explains that Tamar did not state explicitly, "It is from you that I am pregnant," because this would have embarrassed Yehuda terribly. She rather said, "I am pregnant by the man who is the owner of these articles." She thought, "If he will confess by himself, let him confess. If he will not confess, let them burn me, but let me not put him to shame." Chazal learn from here that a person should rather have himself thrown into a fiery furnace, than put his friend to shame in public. Clearly, had Yehuda not confessed, Tamar would rather perish together with the two children in her womb, than embarrass Yehuda and save her life and the lives of the two children in her womb.

This is mystifying. If Yehuda would not confess why would Tamar be willing to give away her life and perish together with the children in her womb? Wouldn't it be sheer cruelty on Yehuda's part to permit three innocent souls to perish, rather than confessing his own guilt? How far must one go not to embarrass someone? Should Tamar be afraid of embarrassing one who is so ruthless that he would bring about her own death and that of her children?

It seems from here that even in this instance, it is proper not to shame another human being, even where this human being would be cruel enough to cause her entirely unjustifiable death and the death of her two unborn children. Every human being, no matter how low he has sunk, was created betzelem elokim - In Hashem's Image, and has rooted within him a holy neshama. How much care and caution must be taken not to embarrass even this human being.

May we merit to emulate Tamar's deeds. May we realize that embarrassing another human being, no matter how cruel and wicked he may be, is a sin of such magnitude that Tamar was willing to sacrifice her very life and the lives of her two unborn children to avoid it. May we be zoche to treat each and every human being, who was created betzelem Elokim, with respect and with dignity. Amen.